I have only myself to blame..
I feel things are falling apart..
All I had was in my hand..
One by one, I dropped it..
More of.. taken away..
I can't control my feelings and emotions..
It all runs down..
I'm feeling way out of how i was like..

I'm a very strong person..With healthy principles..
Positive outlooks..
Confidence..
Those feelings of joy..
Good lifestyle..

Now, I am just a useless..
Plain useless..
I got booted out of soccer..
I tried my best..
I know i can do better..
But there are better players than me..
Soccer has been my life for a whole stretch..
Now its been taken away..
I have only myself to blame..

I always have believed this quote..
"Treat ppl around you like how you want them to treat you"..
F*ckin' bullshit..
Now I just don't believe it at all..
No one appreciates kindness..
I believe that now..

I treat some ppl really good..
Having to ask how was their day..
Having to ask abt how are things going..
Showing concern and even have the heart to help..
Having the f*cking time to show them i care..

Everytime I wanted to talk my heart out..
I don't know who I can talk to..
And everytime I tried..
They'll just start telling me abt theirs..
Maybe I've listened too much..
But I always be nice and help..
Show some appreciation, human..

Hoping someone would do the same for me..
Hoping someone to have the time..
But..
Maybe I should just f*ck off from their lives..
Maybe I should do that.. big maybe..
I have only myself to blame..

I've always have to sit and look downwards..
With my hands grabbing both sides of my hair..
With eyes wide open..
Thinking back abt these awful moments..
Always thinking..
What if I have chosen another choice than the one i took..
I believe things would have been different..

I have to pretend a lot..
I have had to lie a lot..
I have to make changes to make em happy..
I have to put a smile on top of my sorrows..
The truth hurts, But the lies are worse..

When will this end..?
Maybe I hadn't pray hard enough..
Well, I should..

---taken from Alfie's life

Now, I should just focus about my life..
Makin' plans to get it back on track..
I gotta get out of this mess..
Its too heavy on my back..
I need help..
Seriously..
Help me..

Goodnight everybody..
Alfian